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Help me correct my story.

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Hey guys and gals. I have just written up a story and I would like anyone who has English as their main language to help me correct and edit my story. I have had a friend edit it for me once and I have gone over it a second time. For those who just want to take a read at it even without the further corrections please do so. I also need a title. Any kind of help will be appreciated regarding title.

It is a story about two girls, focusing on one character and her feelings towards the other girl. Yuri story but nothing explicit.

I don't write stories and the last time I wrote a story for actual fun and not school was 8 years ago. I always write action stories back then so this is my first time trying to write a... I think you could call it a somewhat romantic story? Please tell me what you think.

Story.doc
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